The American Degenerate

My top 25

Published in United States of America - Social interactions and entertainment - 1 year ago - 0

My top 25 drinking stories.

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Told a guy in a bar that I owned a saw-sharpening business and set an appointment for him to bring in his saws.

Told a guy in a bar that I owned a transmission shop and set an appointment for him to bring his car.

Pissed my pants in San Diego.

Lost my car in Las Vegas

Lost my car in Tijuana.

Accidentally stole a car.

Threw Vice Presidential china off the balcony of a hotel.

Fell asleep in a bar restroom and woke up after closing time.

House-sat for someone I did not know for an entire summer.

Accidentally committed a hate crime.

Re-routed traffic on a very busy street so that all cars were forced to drive through a resident’s front yard.

Convinced all the patrons in a bar that I was the mayor of St. Louis.

Gave a guy a tattoo.

Sat in the owner’s seats at a St Louis Cardinals game.

Mowed a friend’s lawn at 3am.

Invited a bum to drink with me for Happy Hour.

Got in a fight with the bass player from the band Faith No More.

Stole the golden arches from the side of a McDonald’s.

Pissed in John Wayne’s boot prints at Mann’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood.

Stole a keg of beer from a pizza parlor.

Got robbed by a stripper in Las Vegas.

Got robbed by a prostitute in Tijuana.

Threw up over the side of a cruise ship only to spray all of the passengers on the deck below.

Got charged $4 extra by a cabbie for “farting in cab.”

Joined an Elks Lodge.

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